Updated: Apr 13
I’m so dang close to being anxiety free!
I’m seriously writing this with a smile on my face and a heart that is happy and completely at ease.
As many of you know, I am committed to healing myself of anxiety and depression once and for all. These two disorders have plagued my daily life to the point where I found it difficult to leave my bed and interact with my loved ones. I was too tired to deal with my problems, so I avoided much needed confrontations until they blew up and became even more unmanageable. I cried in bed over my past decisions and for the position I was in at the present moment...feeling unhappy, stuck, and like my life was going nowhere. Like life would always be this miserable and painful.
“When am I going to be happy? When am I going to have it all? When will I feel...anything other than pain?” I would often ask myself.
It honestly sounds crazy to think that this was once the norm for me. And very recently, too.
I knew that the journey to healing my anxiety would come with its challenges. I thought if I eliminated the external factors, like social media and the types of situations I put myself in, it would make me happier. And while that does help, what I can say is that it is never removing the externals that frees you; that freedom is fleeting.
The key to eliminating your anxiety and depression (and please note that I can only speak from my own experience) is to change your PERSPECTIVE on the way things are, because right now is all you have.
I felt lost, fearful of an uncertain future, scarce in what I was being offered by the world.
So I challenged myself by asking: What if I chose to feel good now?
I know it’s easier said than done, but what if I stopped living in the past and longing for the future, and chose to live here?
What if I embody the person I want to be once I had “it all,” and brought her into the present moment?
If the ideal Beck is happy, healthy, successful, abundant, in love, secure, confident, and free...I need to be her now. And I must do whatever it takes to keep her here. I literally want to be here so badly.
Maybe I was finally ready to be her. Sometimes these things take time. In my case, it felt like it took too much time. But I’m also doing this thing where I let my past go, so...nothing I can really do about that anymore.
And what has being her--my ideal Beck--resulted in?
Not only have my stress levels diminished and I find myself enjoying life a lot more, but all those things I desired that felt impossible to ever attain? They’re beginning to blossom into real situations and opportunities.
While I do still have my anxious moments, I love myself enough not to sit with them for too long. I will retreat to my supplements to ease the physical symptoms when they feel debilitating, but as far as my mentality goes...I don’t DWELL in anxiety and depression anymore. I acknowledge the feelings, I try to understand them (but only a little...I don’t think it’s necessary to trace all the way back to your birth to find out why you might be feeling the way you are), and I comfort myself like I would a friend, but then I make the active decision to shift into gratitude and joy. I do this by focusing on what’s going great in my life. I’ll count my blessings until I feel a little bit calmer. I’ll immerse myself in my passions, such as writing, playing guitar, singing and dancing. I don’t lay in bed and think about why my life supposedly sucks. I go out and do things or talk to people that make me happy.
I don’t shove my emotions down at all, but I also don’t attach myself to them either. I’m starting to view pain as something that the body just needs to release. I can let myself cry without having to wallow in the reasons why I’m sad.
I’m also being very intentional not to worry about when the things I want to manifest will arrive. I trust that the Universe knows what I want, and as long as I stay positive and joyful, then what I need will come to me. It can happen quickly once I’m aligned with it. But if it still isn’t happening, then my thoughts are still in the way.
We gotta get out of the way...more than we think is necessary.
Happiness is 100% a choice. Yes, this is a pretty played out saying, but I don’t roll my eyes at it anymore. I believe it. I abide by it.
While it may help to take supplements like CBD, Natural Vitality Calm, and Olly Stress Vitamins (literally my daily staples!), the one thing that has helped me the most is my decision to commit to joy. To trust. To smile in the now, because it’s kind of all we have.